Bring it, Kit

I started listening to the debate tonight on the radio--no TV in the apartment (no, I'm not one of those...I just feel that the act of paying for cable while in my first year of law school is an unwise turning of the knob to the door of Things That Prevent Work From Happening). About 20 minutes into the thing, I happened upon a live webcast with commentary from NYTimes political correspondent Katharine "Kit" Seelye. Her comments, as you'll see below, were consummately annoying in their unabashed Bush-loving ways. While watching/reading, I (dorkily, I know) decided to start taking notes in case I decide to write anything more formal about this one. We'll see on that, but here are my notes in the (possibly everlasting) meantime--be advised that I, unlike Kit, am not performing in any sort of allegedly balanced capacity here:

Oh no he di-unt…Just. Say. “Internets.” “I hear there’s [sic] rumors on the internets….” [emphasis added]. Way to out yourself as an idiot in the first 15.

Who the hell is doing Bush’s media training? Why hasn’t anyone told him to stop saying “’member” when he means “remember”? What’s with the cadence that, within the first 15 minutes of the debate, makes him sound exasperated and out of control? What. The. Hell. With cutting off the moderator in an apparent frenzy?

Uh…who cares if the National Journal named “Senator Kennedy” the most liberal senator? Get your shit straight, Bush.

What’s the deal with beating the tax cut drum? “Everybody got a tax cut.” Yeah, well, now everyone has a deficit. Go figure, we have to have money to pay for things. It’s so crazy that way.

Hrm. “Not going to run up taxes that will cost this country jobs.” I see how well the tax cuts worked for job creation. Let’s do more of that, hmm?

I love you, Kerry. The percentage distribution of the tax cuts is a nice way to corner Bush. Keep tossing it out there.

Hey, Kit Seelye—your commentary? Uh-sucks. Stop being such a little Bush-hugger and comment on the thing in a legitimate way. Liberal media bias my ass.

Oh, Kerry….just say it like the Mormon kid wanted you to say it. Don’t talk to the camera with anything else. He gave you a straightforward, though admittedly weird, way to just be simple. Take it. TAKE IT.

I will give Bush $18 if he knows what credible means.

Hey, George—look at the goddamn lights to know when your time is up. Riffing with Charlie is just stupid.

Ooh…way to name drop McCain, Kerry. Nice one.

Oh, for fuck’s sake—lay off the “he’s just not credible” line. It’s so dumb. There are many studies to show that the excessive repetition of a word correlates directly with the speaker’s lack of understanding of the meaning of the word.

Increase the wetlands by three million….what? We often like to clarify the numbers we toss out with units. Helps a bit.

Bush, you did not propose the hydrogen automobile. And no one, NO ONE, would say you are a good steward of the land. Not even your mom.

Ohh…snap. The EPA resignation was a cool detail here. I love you, John Kerry.

Okay, Kit, we have a date outside after this is over. What the fuck with giving a friendly chin-tickle to Bush for his retarded “he looked at me like my clock was up” jibe and panning Kerry for the Sox joke? Both were dumb, but play fair here, kiddo.

Is “I have a plan” the “I have a dream” of 2004? Starting to sound like it.

“I really don’t think your rights are being watered down.” Um…way to get friendly with the questioner. Apparently, he does--really--think that or he wouldn’t have asked it. The question was, if memory serves “why are my rights being watered down?” not “do you think my rights are being watered down?”

Kit, where are you? Stay quick here, cookie.

Oh man, as much as I totally get where Kerry’s going with the stem cell stuff, I don’t think he’s going to pull anyone along with this.

Heh, clearly the stem cell thing makes both of them damp under the collar. We just saw two sets of momentum fall flat on the carpet and roll somewhere near Charlie’s feet with this one.

Gah, this “destroy life” tack is so fucking annoying. Did no one hear Kerry point out (rightly) that the embryos used in embryonic stem cell research are obtained from fertility clinics, and that they are embryos which would otherwise remain frozen indefinitely or destroyed.

WHOA. Bush’s SCOTUS pick would be someone who strictly interprets the Constitution? Oh, most of you probably missed the part he mumbled under his breath, which was: except when it comes to my own lawsuit that will allow me to steal an election. Then I don’t so much want the Constitution stuff to play.

Bush, don’t try to quote the Constitution. I think what you were looking for here was “all men are created equal,” which is actually the Declaration of Independence. Most of us know that one. [post-debate edit—actually, fact-index.com tells me this is the single most widely-known political phrase in any of America’s political documents. Hee.]

That was a pretty skillful way, Kerry, to talk about condom distribution without actually saying “condom.”

“Maternity Group Homes”?!?! What. The. Fuck.

Kit makes a good point in her otherwise entirely useless commentary—current law prevents federal money from being spent on abortion. So really, this was a dumb question to allow on the floor. Facilities that provide abortions can receive federal funds for other services they provide—you know, like wellness exams, immunizations, things that totally and utterly are connected to abortion. Except not at all.

Bush can’t think of any mistakes he’s made. But Kerry can!

Oh Bush, I’d say calling others out on their odd word choices isn’t a stone you have to throw here. Let me direct you back to the Fool-me-once-what-the-fuck quagmire. Also the “of course we’re after Saddam Hussein—I mean bin Laden” snafu of late.