Fooling the fiesty
Five Things Phoebe Needs Me to Know Right Now:
1) Whatever that shit I forcefed her this morning was, it wasn't anything resembling reasonable or civilized.
2) Pursuant to number 1, petting, kissing, or other "friendly" contact is entirely out of the question at this time.
3) Hiding said shit in yogurt worked once and only once.
4) Whatever that fish business on the plate this evening was, more would always be welcome.
5) I am hereby on notice for the behavior listed in number 1. Any excessive violations along the lines of number 2 should be executed while understanding that Phoebe's inappropriate urination this weekend on the bed, though a direct result of a UTI, can be easily recreated with malice aforethought as a warning, reprimand, or both.
It seems the stress of moving has inspired Phoebe's poor little bladder to rebel against her with a very unfun infection. Those who have met her can understand the extreme difficulties involved in both getting Phoebe to the vet and following any treatment plan prescribed therein that requires, um, anything other than letting her be. The people who spayed her in Houston (people, I should point out, who deal with feral cats daily) said she was the meanest goddamn cat they'd ever met. That was a few years ago--she's gotten a lot better in day-to-day stuff but still doesn't like anything that isn't substantially her idea.
The vet and I came up with a plan to feed Phoebe her antibiotics: hide the liquid in food. Phoebe is many things, not the least of which is a feline garbage disposal. Loves all food. All. Food. Her favorites are yogurt and tomato products (seperately, not together), but I'm not sure I've found anything yet she just wouldn't eat.
For reasons that entirely escape me, feline antibiotics are made to smell (and, I presume, taste) like bubblegum, just like human antibiotics in liquid suspension. In my experience as a giver of feline antibiotics, this doesn't have the same effect as it does in people, so I wonder why they bother? The immediate problem this presents is the task of masking both the smell and presumed taste in food. This is the cat who managed to sniff out the tranq in the treats I tried to give her during the move to A2, so I am continually afraid she'll smell this. The first dose went pretty well (Fancy Feast Savory Salmon served as the vehicle), as did the second (in strawberry yogurt--her favorite). This morning, however, the yogurt trick didn't work. After two or three bites, she shot me a "bitch, please" look and pawed at the ground near the plate to show me the extent to which she recognized this was utter bullshit and she was having no part of it. Great. Not only did this mean I had a wasted dose of antibiotics on my hands, but she hadn't taken enough for the morning dosage. Running late (as seems to be the norm this week), I decided to ditch the food trickery and go for it with the oral syringe. The dose is only 1cc, so it seemed like a move that might work once.
And work once it did. Barely. After a stealthy surprise attack-and-squirt, a very angry Phoebe broke free and, not knowing quite what to do with this new betrayal, ran around the kitchen four times very fast before taking off under the bed. It only took a few minutes for her rage to get the better of her, though, and for the apparent "fuck this noise, I'm not hiding under any damned bed" thought to strike. With as much anger and spite as her 11 pounds can convey, she marched out from under the bed, flounced upon it, and stomped as far as she could to the head near the wall and laid down with her back to me. As I finished getting ready for school, I noticed her periodically looking over her shoulder to see me, then whipping her head back around with eyes closed. While trying to pet an apology her way before leaving, she slowly turned to face me as if to say "ohhh....don't you fucking dare."
For those in a similar predicament, I am happy to report that the Fancy Feast Fish and Shrimp Dinner, though frightfully odiferous, apparently masks any and all offending antibiotic smells/tastes. Thank. God. Then again, we'll see if it works twice.
Whenever I board my cats at the vet, they always ask if I want them bathed. Bathed? I never know how to respond, because I feel like they're asking if I want to pay for the clinic staff to get really, really hurt, which is weird.
posted by Salle @ 9:35 PM
14 comments
14 Comments:
1) "It seems the stress of moving has inspired Phoebe's poor little bladder to rebel against her with a very unfun infection."
That kind of assumes that peeing all over the damn place is not in EP's plans. That's exactly the kind of weak-ass, Pollyanna assumption that makes you lose this war.
2) I'm sure someone reading this is thinking, oh, Phoebe can't be that bad, people exaggerate about their pets, blah bling blah. Let me assure you, this is the evillest cat in the world. If you see her, you might be tempted to think that the little tiny cutie-cute cat can't possibly be that bad, or that maybe she'll like you, because you're a cat person. Please, cover your neck, put your arms over your face, and back away slowly.
-Verb
Oh Verb, I miss you.
In her newfound state of wellness, Phoebe has decided to try engaging me in playing a sort of postmodern game of fetch. She drops the orange plastic flippy toy in the water dish and, later, I toss it back out. There's this weird distance in our respective components, and it's unclear exactly who's doing the fetching. In fact, we're almost redefining our roles as fetcher and fetchee every time we play...
xoxo
Meat
I think we need to problematize the binary distinction between "fetchor" and "fetchee", and think of a more diverse spectrum of roles in relation to what should be conceived as an ongoing community process of placement and retrieval. The notion that one person or entity should maintain the power to force the other into such a "game" is a Western way of viewing the world that ignores the contingencies on which such hierarchies and hegemonies are based.
Sorry, grad school flashbacks...
Careful, the cat might be trying to form a contract with you. There might be implied-in-fact reciprocal mutual inducement.
Ben
Oy, boys and their big words. Joe: this has been a hegemony-free space since 2002. Ben: I'll give you three dollars if you have any clue what "implied-in-fact reciprocal mutual inducement" means.
Update: I just fished it out of the water dish for the fourth time today. Interestingly, the yellow flippy-toy isn't a candidate for the water dish and stays solely in the kitchen.
Mmmm, the taste of dorkiness is in the air. . .
Aw, hell, does html not work in your comments? Sigh.
Anyway, look here: http://www.meatshake.com/
It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like.
OH MAH GAH! I ask, no, beg all my readers to visit www.meatshake.com rightdamnnow. I hardly know where to begin, but I know for damn sure the song (which can be heard by clicking on the Meaty Mobile link) will be in my head for a while. Actually, that's good, because I've been stuck on one line from "The Only Living Boy in New York" for the past three days and a change will be welcome.
I find it weird and eerie that something can make me want to laugh hysterically and vomit simultaneously. Still, I don't think my life will be complete without an order of Mighty Meaty French Fries (sorry, I refuse to say Freedom Fries. Shit, I just said it).
Thank god... http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/meat_shakes
So, haven't gotten to that yet in contracts yet?
A contract requires that the promisor and promisee both be justified in believing that a promise has been made. A promise can be made explicitly, or implicitly. Here where you and the cat are establishing a pattern, it might be said that one is justified in believing that a promise has been made for you to take the ball out, and she to put the ball in every time you take it out. The reciprocal mutual inducement comes in that by you are seeking the cat's putting the ball in by signalling to the cat that you want that done by removing the ball, and the cat is inducing you to remove the ball by putting the ball in every time. Why you wish to induce the cat to drop the ball in the water will not be looked into, as it is clear from the reciprocal mutual inducement that you intended to contract, and as a matter of public policy, we won't look into that. The cat might, however, be consider an "infant," and thus unable to contract.
Ben
No no no. Your first line manages to simultaneously condescend and destroy your point altogether in that a) yes, I know what a promise is thankyouverymuch, and b) I'm not justified in believing a promise has been made since the other party also licks the blinds, so it's difficult for me to view her behavior as rational or dependable. What's to say we've bargained for either side? You say I seek her ball-deposit by removing the ball from the water, which doesn't track. I don't want the ball in the water, as it makes the other cat slosh the water more than usual by trying to get around it when he washes his paws. There isn't any consideration for my side, since the only benefit to me comes from my own performance. I'm neither being compensated for my action, nor am I deriving benefit from her action. Without consideration, we don't have a K. Plus, you almost have a pat little tautology there: I have a K because of the "reciprocal mutual inducement" and the reciprocal mutual inducement shows I have a K? No good. Also, I believe it's generally referred to as "mutual reciprocal inducement" rather than "reciprocal mutual inducement."
Ooh, snap.
A really, really dorky snap, but still a snap.
Salle, I was curious as to whether it would be alright to ask you something in private. It's a law school related matter.
Cheers,
Andy Zaky
Andy--I sent you an email at your undergradquarterly address.
Salle
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