CRISIS PENDING

Holy hell, people, it's all sorts of screwed up right now. Last night, while inching through the med center in heinous H-town traffic, I realized that (drumroll) I don't think I want to go to medical school after all. (Sound of head hitting desk repeatedly)

ACK! I'm just not sure I want to assign eight years of my life to nothing but manic chaos and aggressive competition, and it seems like a pretty stupid thing to get myself into without being pretty damn sure. Med school is an extremely tiring and expensive place to decide you really want to do something else. What the fuck? I literally had a panic attack while driving and discovering all this. Truly, I couldn't breathe, my chest was tight, everything was a little hazy and this overwhelming sense of panic just took over. I almost pulled over but the sheer inertia of the whole thing made me keep going--that, and I was in the lane I needed to be to turn onto my street, so the part of my brain (albeit a tiny part) that remained rational said what the hell, head for the house.

I can't help thinking about all sorts of other options...specifically neuromuscular therapy and pain management. That's the part of medicine that's always intrigued me anyway, so maybe I should find my way into it through a channel that allows me to start practicing for real before I'm 30 and allows time for, oh, say, a life and a family?!? Shocking demands I place on life, no?

Arggg.....this sucks beyond words. I just pulled my own rug out from under my feet, so I'm scared as hell, but I can't help loving the idea of new options. Help? Methinks this will be a weekend of reading and consulting with trusted personal advisors.