Oh, unclench

I need Jennifer and Bob at AOL member services to know something right now: my decision to cancel my service (both times!) isn't in any way intended to be construed as a personal attack on you, so stop acting like it is. Look, I only signed up with AO-hell out of utter laziness in February. Your shitty dialup is incredibly overpriced, but the disk was free at Target. Good move there, because I can't even begin to imagine how many more sorry shmucks like me you extract $23.90 from each month. Gah.

But your service worked, and the payments were automatic, so everything was highly compatible with my laziness. The problem arose when I moved to an apartment where a) I didn't bother to install a landline, and b) I'm able to access myriad wireless sources. Do you really think I'd sully my lovely t41 with your dialup shit? Really? Okay, you don't have to answer outloud, as I'm sure every whisper from your lurid mouths is recorded for quality and training purposes by The Powers That Be at AOL, so a silent answer in your head is fine.

I tried to cancel a while ago with Bob, but somehow he talked me into trying some broadband something or other for a few months. Bleh. I forgot about it, and it was only my discovery of another AOL automatic transfer from my checking account that prompted me to call and beg for the love of little gay apples that my account be really and truly cancelled this time. I got Jennifer, who had a midwestern accent but had apparently never been apprised of the parameters of Midwest Friendly. She went from moderately disinterested to full-out Bitch Pants in, like, minutes. I'm just unclear why they seem so utterly unmoved by my frequent and plaintive protestations that my wireless works just fine and I don't need any AOL Broadband whathaveyou to "run on top of it," whatever the hell that means.

In other news:

• I heartily recommend The Incredibles. Really worth a see.
• Read the footnotes.
  
• Profs don't mind brief emails that let them know you dig their class.
  
• If you're in A2 and haven't started looking for an apartment for next year yet, get on it. If you've in A2 and feel like signing a lease with the company that manages my apartment (inquire within), lemme know--if you mention my name and actually sign a lease, I get a nice referral bonus I'll be glad to split with you.