I promised last week that a good list would be forthcoming. I’ve been kicking ideas around in my head ever since, and have in deed produced a list…though its quality is a fairly subjective thing, so please bear with me. As a side note--I have no idea what's going on with my archive list. I know it would make sense for things to be listed in chronological order, but that doesn't seem to be in my control. I think it's all there...but you never know. Anyway, here's the list without further ado!

Things I Like

• Dreams about food. I had an exceptionally vivid dream last night about some really spectacular food. Is there a better way to ear? Seriously, give it some thought—the options are essentially limitless, it’s probably going to be of exquisite quality, and there’s absolutely no nutritional/metabolic consequences whatsoever.

• People who kiss with purpose. What a way to make you smile a little more and walk a little taller. I have someone specific in mind here…hopefully he knows who he is and recognizes this for the shout-out I’m intending it to be.

• Hotel sales and catering management. If I weren’t an inherently honest person, I would seriously consider making up a few business cards with a legit-sounding business name and a dedicated cell number on them. I’d then make periodic rounds through this city’s hotels, claiming to be shopping around for a rooming block proposal. Seriously, nothing makes sales persons pay attention faster than a prospective customer looking for a place to park a few grand in revenue. Luckily, my current job allows me the opportunity to do this in a legitimate fashion, and as a consequence I have enjoyed several hours of small talk over lovely hotel food in the past several months. I don’t think enough people realize that there are some truly fantastic restaurants in the above-middle-market hotel arena. Of course, it’s much more fun to eat there when you’re a client. In general, the better hotels in a major city do a pretty good job of hiring fun people for their main sales positions. Bottom line: they’re paid to be exceedingly friendly, and it’s a fun ride.

• Cold milk. I went through a bizarre lactose-intolerance phase, and it seems that I have fully recovered. I managed to completely forget how great milk tastes, and it’s been an awesome rediscovery process. I am ridiculously easily amused.


Things I Don’t Like

• Construction. I know, I know…I live in the wrong city. It’s a good thing I drive an SUV, because my daily commute through downtown would inflict serious damage to the suspension of anything smaller. One of these days, I swear I’m going to see a Hyundai disappear into a pothole and never come out again. Then all the other drivers will pause for a moment out of respect for our fallen road companion, then we’ll press on regardless.

• Monsters in the closet. No, silly, not the kind I was afraid of when I was four…the kind we all have lurking about beneath the sunny displays we so skillfully project 99% of the time. Some people call them skeletons, but I think whomever coined that phrase must have had an uneventful upbringing. Granted, everyone has issues, and in some ways I think the sooner we recognize the common ones (trust, commitment, blah blah blah) and lower the drama at tad, the less BFD (big fucking deal) it will all seem. But…what about the honest-to-goodness BFDs? When do you have The Conversation with people close to you? It never gets easier, and the anticipation process when I realize I need to say something doesn’t ever seem to lessen in intensity. No matter what the ubiquitous ‘they’ will say, striking the balance between effectively communicating pertinent details about a former BFD and heightening it into a federal case is tricky. Nondisclosure is always an option, but also a risky little game. You just never know when someone will (unknowingly) say or do something that triggers you into a bad place and all of a sudden your BFD talk has become unavoidably necessary and you’re upset about it to boot. What a crock. Maybe someone should develop a line of t-shirts with customizable placards we could all use to broadcast our respective BFDs to the general population. We’d certainly demystify a lot of things…

• Soy milk. In general, I’m a huge fan of soy products, but I can’t get behind this one. Perhaps I’d feel differently if people didn’t insist on using it as a substitute for regular milk. Folks, get a clue: it tastes NOTHING like regular milk, and it never will. I found this out the hard way, and ruined several cups of great coffee attempting to convince myself otherwise. It’s undeniable, even to soy milk fans I know, that this stuff tastes markedly nutty. I can’t think of any circumstance where I would actively choose to make my coffee taste nutty…nope, can’t do it.

• Taxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that there are very few people who enjoy our method of taxation. In the past, I’ve always been a fan since they pay for so many things we all use on a daily basis. This is, however, the first year I will end up owing taxes instead of getting a refund, so I’m a little bitter. Note to readers: change your W-4 at your primary job when you acquire a second source of income. It didn’t even occur to me when I started my teaching gig, and I’m it’s going to bite me in the ass come April. Sigh.

• Obligation gifts. We have more wedding and baby showers around here than I can possibly count, and we’re all pretty much socially required to contribute towards departmental gifts. Bless these people and their life events, but I’m a little tired of the bi-weekly baby shower wallet drain. This morning, my department was shaken down for not one but two shower gifts. Gawd, people, enough with the babies. When was the last time we had a cool-single-person-who-would-totally-love-some-new-dishes shower?


Along the same lines as obligation gifts, I give you…
Things I Have Conflicted Feelings About

• Valentine’s Day. It’s a nice idea, really and truly, but I hate the way it makes people feel obligated to go through cheesy rituals they wouldn’t choose otherwise. V-day is one of the few times I feel legitimately sorry for men in particular, because I think they carry the heavier end of the guilt/obligation knapsack here. I’m thinking back to one particularly awkward February 14 my senior year of college. I had been randomly seeing someone for a few months, but we had actually gotten to a place of really not liking each other than much and spent markedly little time together. In all honesty, I think we were both looking forward to things fading politely away. Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day came along, and poor Ethan felt the need to send me flowers. Arg…I have no idea what possessed him. To compound things, the florist he used ended up being oversold, so they couldn’t deliver on time. In case you’ve never had a problem getting flowers on Valentine’s Day, you should know that florists take that very seriously and issue many, many apologies—all of which confirm that the sender did not, in fact, forget to order your flowers on time. I’m not kidding, I received two emails, three phone calls, a handwritten note, and a certified letter…all telling me how sorry they were to have screwed up my delivery and that I should, in no way, blame Ethan for their tardiness. Ever wanted to take a mildly weird situation and pump the awkward factor up by about seven magnitudes? This would be a great approach. When they finally surfaced, they were lovely…but I felt really bad that he felt obligated to send them.

Thus I conclude this week’s list. Until next week, keep your heads up and your coffee hot.